Garza's Journey

Empty Nest Syndrome

2005-11-01T08:31:00.000-08:00

My two youngest sons recently joined the Army. They are both doing well and are currently in basic training. They will get to come home for Christmas. My oldest son had his 28th birthday today and is married. So, for the first time in 30 years my wife and I are alone in the house. I used to think, man, it will be great when I can have some peace and quiet, but I don't think I knew what I was dreaming for.

These past couple of weeks are so different than what we have been accustomed to. I have been working from home and my wife works during the day. Quiet is a hard thing to get used to. You begin to hear sounds that you never paid attention to before, like the PC running, the dog walking through the house, the ice maker unloading, the washing machine, etc... I actually miss the noise! I haven't yet determined what I miss most, the noise or my sons. Maybe they are one and the same.

Another thing that is different is that my wife and I can carry out a complete conversation without any interruptions. This is so new. Sometimes I welcomed those interruptions depending on the subject, if you know what I mean, lol. I never knew what the impact would be. We are having to learn how to live as a couple instead of mom and dad. This is totally different and sometimes scary. We have always been devoted to our sons and have been in a certain role for so long, we are having to get to know each other again. I now understand why couples get divorced after living together for 30 years, they never took the time to remain a couple and nourish that part of their life that was just them. So when the kids were gone they never had a life to continue. And people change. We don't realize how much we change over time, but we grow and learn new things, likes, dislikes.

If you have been through this and have any advice, please pass it on. 'Cause I am fresh out of clues. We are both devoted to working on it, at least we tell each other that, but I am not sure we will overcome the hurdles. We will try though and I will let you know how it goes and what I learn.

On another note I am starting a new contract in Detroit soon and will be out of town more, so that means I will have more time to blog and play WOW.

Garza

I Am The Proud Parent (Take Two)...

2005-09-30T12:33:00.000-07:00

of a US soldier.

Well, I now have son number two in the Army. He is due to ship out on 10/25. Both are Infantry Airborne and both will be going through basic at Ft. Benning, GA. I must tell you all I have mixed feelings. On the one hand I am the proudest dad alive of my sons wanting to serve our great country. On the other hand I don't want them to be in harm's way. I am not concerned about them making the grade, they have the backbone and will and the temperment to do that easily. They both got the maximum bonus along with a couple of ranks due to their college credits. Hopefully they will continue their education and become officers, but I don't see that happening right away. In their youthful enthusiasm they are more interested in the neat toys they will get to play with.

I will keep everyone updated on how they progress and in the mean time, please keep them both, and all of our men and women in the armed forces in your thoughts and prayers.

Garza

I am the proud parent...

2005-09-19T19:52:00.000-07:00

of a US soldier!

My son has been gone to boot camp for almost a week. I think the thing I miss most is being able to talk to him when I want to. I have gained tremendous respect for him as he has gone through the process of enlisting and choosing what he wants to do. I have seen some of his friends ridicule him, forsake him, and some have even verbally abused him. Through all of this he has stood on his principles and moved ahead. I have another son going through the same process. Soon our house will be empty except for my wife and I. Our lives will change forever. We are in the process of learning to be a couple again instead of mom and dad. This is very different and even challenging sometimes.

I desire everyone's prayers for my sons and if you have children in the military, our prayers are with you. May God bless our children and our country.

Garza

Stay Tuned

2005-07-20T08:04:00.000-07:00

Just want everyone to know I am alive and well. I travel most of the time for work, so I have been taking a few weeks off to work on my home. Sorry I have not been blogging much lately, but I certainly appreciate the notes and visits. We are all fine. The latest news I have is that my youngest son (23) has decided to join the Army at the end of this year to become a ranger. We are proud of him, but of course, will be concerned for his safety. Other than that it is work, work, work, to get this "honey-do" list down to a short list. Take care and keep in touch.

Garza

Back in the Saddle

2005-07-11T07:37:00.000-07:00

Well, it was nice to take a few days off last week. We had a great 4th which consisted of beer, BBQ, and spending time with family. It would have been better, but we have had quite a scare. My wife found a lump in her breast about four weeks ago, and on the 4th we still did not know anything in terms of a diagnosis. So, to say the least there was a lot of concern and emotion involved. The good news is that we found out this past Thursday that it was only a cyst and the radiologist drained it on the spot. This made our entire weekend!! Going through this ordeal really helps you to put things into perspective. It has affected our entire family. My sons even have a greater appreciation for their mother. They have finally learned the lesson that one should not take for granted the people that they love. Even though this experience has been very stressful, we have all grown much closer and more caring. Thanks to God for being with us through this troublesome ordeal.

As most of you know, hurricane Dennis traveled just west of where we live in Alabama. I am glad to report that we are all doing fine and have to this point escaped the wrath of such a storm. We have maintained power and cable, and for the most part only have had rain (plenty of that) and some wind. A neighbor across the street has had part of a tree to blow down with no damage to their house. There has been mostly modest damage throughout our state with the exception to those areas closer to the Gulf. We are very fortunate and this has been yet another episode of the MSM blowing things out of proportion. The danger of doing this is that next time, and there will be a next time, people may disregard warnings because they fled this time and the storm was not as bad as predicted. I hope the speaking mouths on the networks take responsibility when their warnings are not heeded and people die because of that, but of course, we know they won't.

This has pretty much been my week and you are up to date. Hope everyone is doing well.

Garza

Patriotism...A Thing of the Past?

2005-06-29T18:10:00.000-07:00

Patriotism: a) Love of and devotion to one's country, b) love of country and willingness to sacrifice for it.

What is patriotism? This question has come to mind especially in the past several days. I have been reading a lot of different viewpoints in regards to the war in Iraq and regarding the current leadership in our country. In trying to understand what patriotism means to me, I came across the following quote.

Each man must for himself alone decide what is right and what is wrong, which course is patriotic and which isn't. You cannot shirk this and be a man. To decide against your conviction is to be an unqualified and excusable traitor, both to ourself and to your country, let men label you as they may. ~Mark Twain

For me, the late Mark Twain summed it up pretty well and I have come to realize that patriotism can mean different things to each of us, but regardless of how we interpret it for ourselves we must keep in mind the definition of the word. We should ask ourselves if our actions and words display loyalty to our country, or are we being disloyal to our nation? In order to be truely loyal, we must refrain from spreading dissention among our fellow Americans.

This is not to say that we have to agree with every decision our leaders make, or the reasons they give for their decisions. However, patriotism is built upon a principle and if we do anything to undermine that principle, we are being unpatriotic.

A man's country is not a certain area of land, of mountains, rivers, and woods, but it is a principle; and patriotism is loyalty to that principle. ~George William Curtis

What is the principle that America was built upon. If you read our history, there is a single principle that leaps from the pages regardless of the period. That principle is freedom. Our country was founded because people wanted freedom, our country has continued because we wanted freedom, and now our country is what it is today because we continue to want freedom. Freedom from what? There are several definitions for freedom, but one that to me explains what it means in the context of our liberties is: A right or the power to engage in certain actions without control or interference. Think about what this principle provides us. We can live in any of the 50 states and several provinces, we can choose who we live with, we can go where we want to go at any time, we can own as much property as we want, we can have as many children as we desire to have, we can pretty much do anything we wish to do as long as we do not infringe upon this same right that others have. You really come to appreciate the freedoms we have when you live in another country for a period of time.

With this freedom comes responsibility. Why does it now seem that we Americans are so dedicated to destroying and hurting one another in the name of speaking what is on our mind? We have all been guilty of this at one time or another. But the question we need to ask ourselves is whether the things we say and do help to build our country, or do they divide our country?

This country will not be a good place for any of us to live in unless we make it a good place for all of us to live in. ~Theodore Roosevelt

Freedom of speech does not mean we have the right to offend one another, it only means we have the right to share our thoughts and ideas. We should use this right to help our country and build up our fellow Americans, not to divide our nation for our own egos and self justification. Our current leaders are not setting this example. They seem to be only concerned with their own existence instead of the good of the country. But that does not mean we have to fall in line behind their example. We must make up our own minds what patriotism means to us, follow our own convictions, and try to set the example for our children and others to follow. In this dangerous time, we need to forget ourselves and support each other. Unless we do this, we will destroy ourselves and our nation. What do you think?

Garza

Riding the Fence. What Happened to Common Sense?

2005-06-28T08:44:00.000-07:00

After reading a few articles where comments were left like "riding the fence is an honorable stance, politically", I felt like giving you my "two cents worth" (sorry Marie). There is absolutely nothing wrong with listening to both sides of a debate, whether it is politics, religion, etc… You get the picture. However, I feel strongly that we must have our lives built upon sound principles and embrace character that evolves around a simple question. What is right or wrong? We should research issues, sound bites, and people’s lives to make decisions regardless of the subject. Get the facts and then decide. People can say anything, but do their actions add substance to their words? Even though personally I lean to the so-called “right”, this is only true because my principles are based upon conservative ideas. I believe in God and country, I am pro-life and pro-family and oppose SSM. I don’t wear religion on my sleeve, but I do let my belief in God guide my life. Again, our actions speak louder than our words.

I recently read an article I found titled: “The Common Sense of riding the fence”. It does not necessarily espouse my view point, but one thing I found interesting is the author’s (Bud Beck) last sentence. What has happened to common sense reigning in America? It seems as though there are hidden agendas in everything that most people do or say. What has happened to us asking ourselves what is right or wrong, and then doing the right thing? What is right for us, our families, and our country? The answer to these questions may be different for people based upon their ideologies, but if we do not have convictions and stand by them, we are riding the fence. We want everyone to be happy. This is one of the biggest lies people live. There will never be a time when everyone is happy. I have more respect for people that stand on their principles and beliefs, even though I may disagree with them, than I do for people that want to ride the fence. In my mind, this is the key component that cost Kerry the past election. He wanted to make everyone happy. What he said and what he did were many times the total opposite.

The bottom line in my book is to live your beliefs, have the backbone to stand up for them, and regardless if everyone agrees with you or not, they must respect that. America, stop riding the fence and use common sense. What do you think?

Garza

Lower Than Dick Durbin?

2005-06-27T08:25:00.000-07:00

It never ceases to amaze me how low some people will stoop to make a buck. An article caught my attention this morning about the late Princess Diana's "spiritual healer" who has written a new book, which alleges that Diana and JFK Jr. had an affair that began with a sexual encounter at the Carlyle Hotel in NYC. This encounter supposedly was the beginning of a "torrid affair" between the two. Read the complete story at: http://news.scotsman.com/latest.cfm?id=4747886. There are two points about this story that really bugs me. The first is the obvious. Why do people write junk like this about someone after they are dead? It seems to me the decent thing to do is to let the dead rest in peace. People that try to profit by writing slanderous stories about the dead are the lowest. The second point is that since both parties are dead, there is no one that can disprove these claims; therefore this "witch" (Simone Simmons) will get away without any liable claims. Can anyone have lower scruples than this? This book will definitely not be on my to-buy list. She and Mark Felt should hook up, they would make great partners.

All of these "authors" that air dirty laundry about people that are no longer with us, even if it might be true, are in the same category as those that do the personal attacks of current politicians or celebrities. They all are trying to profit from trashing other people. The only way to try and stop this behavior is for people to not buy this garbage. But you know what? There are a lot of people that want to read this stuff. How do you get any gratitude or fulfillment out of reading about the errors of others that is presented in this format? Quite sad, don't you think?

Garza

Justice at Last

2005-06-24T06:42:00.000-07:00

In trying to think about what to write today, yesterday's sentence pronounced upon Edgar Ray Killen for his participation in the 1964 murders of three men kept coming to mind. Whether you agree with the verdict and sentence or not, this case speaks volumes for our judicial system. This event along with other recent events such as the arrest of BTK, tells us that more than likely no one can get away with taking another person's life. And they shouldn't. In my humble opinion, the crime of murder is the worst regardless of the method used. The presiding judge in these proceedings said it best:

"Each life has value. Each life is equally as valuable as the other life and I have taken that into consideration," Gordon said. "The three lives should absolutely be respected and treated equally."

All hate groups and organizations are wrong, regardless of their beliefs and methods used. Think of the good that could come if all of these groups put as much energy into helping the homeless and hungry that inhabits our great nation. In these troubling times, we all need to reach out and do what we can to help our neighbor. We all need each other and every single person has value.

I recently read John Grisham's book titled The Street Lawyer. This story is about an up-and-coming lawyer in a large firm that finally gets a conscious and leaves the big firm to assist those in need. I recommend this book for everyone and I assure you it will touch your life. A kind word or gesture doesn't cost us anything and can make a difference in someone's life.

Garza

High Court Rules Gov'ts Can Seize Property - Spurs/Pistons

2005-06-23T07:52:00.000-07:00

WASHINGTON — The Supreme Court on Thursday ruled that local governments may seize people's homes and businesses — even against their will — for private economic development.

It was a decision fraught with huge implications for a country with many areas, particularly the rapidly growing urban and suburban areas, facing countervailing pressures of development and property ownership rights.

The 5-4 ruling represented a defeat for some Connecticut residents whose homes are slated for destruction to make room for an office complex. They argued that cities have no right to take their land except for projects with a clear public use, such as roads or schools, or to revitalize blighted areas.

As a result, cities now have wide power to bulldoze residences for projects such as shopping malls and hotel complexes in order to generate tax revenue.

Is this another move towards limiting our rights as citizens, or does it have merit? I know how it appears to me. We seem to be having our rights as citizens stripped away one by one!!

Who are you pulling for; Spurs, Pistons, or do you care?

Garza

Controlling Your Emotions

2005-06-23T06:56:00.000-07:00

One thing I have learned over the past 3 months is the importance of controlling your emotions. By controlling your emotions, I am not referring to shutting them down. It is important for us to feel our emotions, but how we react to them is what makes the difference. Thanks for the input MM. The mistake I made was letting my emotions drive my actions. And I must admit, the outcome was disastrous. My actions hurt those I love the most. This is not good. I now realize that and have made a vow to myself to never do this again. Who said you can't teach an old dog new tricks? I have realized that if something happens that really upsets me, that if I write about it, this way of letting it out does a couple things for me. It helps me to organize my thoughts, and it helps to bring things back into balance. And by doing this, I help myself and do not hurt others by spewing garbage that makes no sense but only lashes out and hurts people. This is a definite NO-NO.

I would be interested in finding out how each of you deal with your emotions. How do you handle dealing with them in a positive way? Maybe you have a method that I and others are not aware of that would be of benefit. You never know. If I can bring attention to this and be of assistance to others, hopefully they will not make the same mistakes I have. Believe you me; it is much harder to deal with the aftermath of emotions gone wild, than to deal with them in a positive way. If I get a number of responses, I will post them and give credit where credit is due. Thanks to all for your input, it has all been greatly appreciated. Thanks for caring about someone you have never known before.

Garza

My Decisions

2005-06-22T06:28:00.000-07:00

I don't know of a single couple that doesn't have problems throughout life. If you have a mate and have never had any problems, then you are truly blessed, or kidding yourself. :) What compounds problems is our reaction to them. If we over react, or let our emotions take control, we WILL screw up. I am taking what I have learned the past 3 months and I am changing my entire approach to everything. How?

I will not allow my emotions to take control. I will remain calm, listen to the issue, analyze the problem, and then share my feelings, thoughts, and possible resolutions in a calm, non-threatening, non-defensive manner.
When discussing the issue, I will listen first. You will be surprised at how many times your mate will come to the same conclusion that you have. If this happens, then I do not have to say anything, only agree, and the issue is resolved. Remember, this is not a contest, and it doesn't matter who voices the resolution first. We are not keeping score, only trying to build a meaningful relationship. We both win.
I will not discuss issues I am having with my mate with anyone else. No one else knows what is best for me, only my mate and I do. Only my mate and I can work them out.
I will love my mate through the issue. Which is most important? My mate and my love for her, or the issue?

The next decision I have made is to put every effort into showing my wife I love her each and every day. My wife has become my number one priority, period. She means more to me than my job, my career, myself, and anyone else. She deserves and will get my devotion to her. I will love her with my entire soul, body, and strength. If I love her in this way, she will be happy, and I will be happy.

I certainly don't pretend to know it all. Maybe you have some wonderful suggestions. What do you think?

Garza

24 Hours

2005-06-21T06:30:00.000-07:00

Life never ceases to amaze me. Yesterday I was a total wreck, and today I am the happiest man alive. Yesterday I had no hope, today I have assurance. It is wonderful how a single honest conversation with the one you love can change things. I feel like there has been closure to the past and today is the first day of our life together. I have finally realized my wife loves me very much, and that like me she sometimes becomes confused and distracted. I am going to do everything within my power to make her the happiest woman alive. She has already done that for me. I have accepted her love, and I am worthy of it, and I love her with all my heart. She is true to me and I to her. When we were dating I used to call her Sunshine, think I will return to calling her that now. JD said it best.

Sunshine On My Shoulders

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high

If I had a day that I could give you
I’d give to you a day just like today
If I had a song that I could sing for you
I’d sing a song to make you feel this way

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high

If I had a tale that I could tell you
I’d tell a tale sure to make you smile
If I had a wish that I could wish for you
I’d make a wish for sunshine all the while

Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high
Sunshine almost all the time makes me high

Garza

Soul's Pain

2005-06-20T11:32:00.000-07:00

Today the full weight of the pain my heart feels came crashing down on me. I have hurt my partner, and she has hurt me. I can't tell her my hurt for fear of hurting her more. My heart is broken, only a feeling of despair, helplessness, lost, not having any direction, not knowing what to do or who I am. I have realized today that my actions over the past months have been the sole result of being hurt. I have struck out because of the pain I feel. I have been wrong in my reaction, but it is due to the pain. I can't get away from the pain. God it hurts to read enduring things your partner says to another that she has never said to you. I am being punished for my past life. I am truly sorry for the pain I have caused, but it is too little too late. The below poem says it better than I.

Soul's Pain - By JanJaap van den Hurk

Dazed
Confused
A sense of trouble
A touch of pain
Tainted by despair

I cry out
Lost in conflicting emotions
Breaking my rule
Almost desperate
I search for the eye

Hurt
Somewhere inside
A dark, blood coloured, pain
Evoking a burning grief
Choking my thoughts

Mist
Clouding vision
A tear paints lightly
A trace of moisture
Upon my burning cheek

Light
A new day
Will I follow another sun
Or will I struggle
In what looks a sun's dying light

I feel
Like dying inside
Yet am I to blame you
Am I overreacting
Or for feeling the coming pain

Only time
Can I trust it
I'll die without action
But where do I go
When darkness stalks all around

Can't hide
Turn away
I must make decisions
But so afraid
They'll tear down my soul

Darkness
Is closing
Uncertainty has me in it's fangs
I try to fight it
But the question remains

My heart
Adrift in a storm
I feel the light
Smell the rolling thunder
And hear the empty cold

Hope flickering
Desperately faint
You speak but words
That are, forever changing
Without showing truth

Balance
Fading silently
As if I tumble
A leaf in a storm
Carried on by uncertainty

Frustration
Jealousy
Not sure of either
It's tearing me apart
Alienation lurking

Hope
Despair
I don't know
Where am I going
Just what has been

I'm lost
Where now
Am I to keep trust in you
Or take my heart and leave
It hurts, either way I go

Can't face
Disillusion
Not sure if it's here
Real pain threatening
Or a challenge of faith

Faith
I said
I had in you
But why then, does it hurt
All that is happening now

Garza

Progress...

2005-06-16T07:28:00.000-07:00

As some of you know I have been going through a process to address myself and the issues I have. It has been six weeks since I began this process, but I reached the point a little over three weeks ago where I finally became totally honest with myself. Since then I have made some progress. Last night I was finally able to admit to my wife that I have abused her. Yes abuse. I spent the first twenty years of our marriage controlling everything in regards to her. I bullied her, I threatened her, and did whatever I thought was necessary to force her to stay with me. This is abuse. Even though I stopped this abuse a number of years ago I had never acknowledged what I had done. I told her I was sorry, but without accepting responsibility for my actions, these were just hollow words. I now know that and have taken responsibility for my actions. I have finally forgiven myself and I am now beginning to like myself. By being able to do this, I had the courage to explain my actions to her in a way she could understand. I had never done this before. I always laid the blame at someone else's feet. Mostly I blamed my parents and my childhood environment. But I finally realized that we cannot blame others for our actions. We can blame others for not providing us a healthy environment when we were not adults, but when we become adults we must take responsibility for our own actions. I finally did this. I now do not understand why it has taken me 30 years to do so.

I respect and admire my wife more than any person I have every known or read about. After all of my threats, belittlement, and abusive actions, she had enough love left to forgive me. She touched my soul yet again. I was not even expecting it which made it more precious to me.

We have both agreed to continue to work on our relationship. I am determined to resolve my issues, learn to love myself, and by doing this I can finally love her the way she deserves. I want her to be totally happy. She deserves this. I have never met a kinder or more compassionate person. I have told her that if things do not work out between us, I want her to find happiness, even if it is not with me. I will never cause her any more pain. Maybe there is hope for me yet.

Quote of the day:

Love is the immortal flow of energy that nourishes, extends and preserves. Its eternal goal is life. – Smiley Blanton

Garza

Friend vs. Spouse

2005-06-15T08:05:00.000-07:00

Today I am exploring my feelings about friends and my spouse. Questions I am asking: Are there different types of friends? Are all friends to be treated equally, and are friends supposed to be as close or viewed as being on the same level as a spouse, and can you cross the line? If so, what are the consequences? What is the meaning of marriage?

The definition of friend, spouse, and marriage.

friend

A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.

spouse (spous, spouz) n.

A marriage partner; a husband or wife

marriage (măŕĭj) n.

The legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife
The state of being married; wedlock
A close and intimate union

I included marriage because it further defines the role of a spouse and I feel it provides a more complete definition of spouse. When examining the definitions, the first thing that I see is that in the definition of friend, the word intimate is not used nor is any other word that is even related. I feel this is a very important distinction and will become more relevant as we explore this subject. Now us try to answer the above questions.

Are there different types of friends?

When thinking about my experiences I have had more of the #2 definition of friend than any other, through work, church, and other social events. I have also had several of the #3 definition of friend. I can only recall having six friends in my past 49 years that would fit the #1 definition. Out of those six, I no longer have two of them due to a loss of trust. One of them was a childhood friend that I have not seen or spoken to since the sixth grade. I have lost touch with two of them over the years, but when we do occasionally meet or talk, we pick right up where we left off. My last friend is still there and for the most part we are very close, although recent events have damaged that to some degree. I still have hopes that through my willingness to change this relationship can continue and be stronger than it has ever been. I am speaking of my spouse, she has always been my best friend, even though I have many times abused this relationship. But so has she on occasion, although I am to blame for most of them. I think there are tests in every relationship and that true friendships overcome these tests. By exploring this question, it is quite obvious that there are different types of friends. What do you think?

Are all friends to be treated equally, and are friends supposed to be as close or viewed as being on the same level as a spouse, and can you cross the line? If so, what are the consequences?

For purposes of discussion, us only reference the #1 definition of friend to answer this question. In my humble opinion, the short answer is NO, especially when the opposite sex is involved. Why? I have discussed many things with my friends. Politics, religion, family, interests, goals, ambitions, issues with myself, and even marriage. But the one thing that has always been off limits, is my relationship with my spouse. Why? Because that relationship is intimate, and by discussing subjects associated with this type of relationship I would be breaking my spouse’s trust. She may never know (or at least we tell ourselves that), but I would and that is what is important. What is the definition of intimate?

in·ti·mate (ĭńtě-mĭt) adj.

Marked by close acquaintance, association, or familiarity.
Relating to or indicative of one's deepest nature: intimate prayers.
Essential; innermost: the intimate structure of matter.
Marked by informality and privacy: an intimate nightclub.
Very personal; private: an intimate letter.
Of or involved in a sexual relationship.

When we discuss intimate subjects with anyone but our spouse we must be careful that we do not cross the line. If we do cross the line, we break our trust with our spouse, and we are inviting our “friend” into an area of our life that they should have no place, especially friends of the opposite sex. This is not to say that we cannot have a serious relationship with our friends, but this is to say that I feel that the relationship with a friend is on a slightly different plane than it is with our spouse. Discussing our "relationship with our spouse" with others could cause us to become confused, and could threaten the relationship with our spouse. I am not talking about discussing marital problems we may be having at the time, I am talking about sharing the intimacy we have with our spouse with others. Most people may think that it is innocent and will cause no harm, but when we take this step, we are spending energy on things that should only be spent with our spouse. This is how the spouse will know. The intimacy with our spouse is being shared with a “friend”. By taking this step we cross the line. According to articles by psychologists, this one thing can be a significant component that leads to extra-marital affairs. If the marriage is drained of the energy and trust that holds it together. It will fail. What do you think?

What is the meaning of marriage?

When we enter into marriage we make vows to each other and only each other. We are best friends, partners, companions, lovers, and we become one. There should be no other person in the world that we should be more interested in. There should be no other person that we share these feelings for. There should be no other person that knows our personal desires, pleasures, needs, wants, inner self, or anything else that could break this bond. Don’t get me wrong, there are problems in marriage, couples often times abuse this bond and the closeness, but this gives us no excuse to break our marriage vows. Problems or issues that arise provide us opportunities to grow stronger as a couple. If the marriage does not work out, it is because one or both of the partners broke this vow. What do you think?

Closing remarks.

It is good to have friends. We should treasure each one. But if we have a good marriage, we should treasure that even more. We should never sacrifice our marriage for a friend, because if this is the cost they are truly not our friend. What do you think?

Quote of the day:

Intimacy is what makes a marriage, not a ceremony, not a piece of paper from the state. – Kathleen Norris

Garza

My Partner

2005-06-14T10:30:00.000-07:00

I want to talk a bit about my partner in life. We have been together going on 30 years. The longer I know her the more I appreciate who she is. She values friends more than anyone I have ever known. I am taking lessons from her examples in everyday life. I value her friendship above anything else! Because, I know if I have her as a friend, I have a treasure.

She probably doesn't know this, but for the past five weeks she has been a powerful voice in my heart. Her voice has calmed my soul in times of much confusion. I have betrayed her trust in the past, the most recent a couple of months ago, but about three weeks ago I made a commitment to myself and secretly to her that it will never occur again. Why? She is my friend, even if I am not hers. I may hurt, but she will not, at least not by my hand, or not if I can stop anyone else.

If you have a friend you have a great treasure as well. Let them know how much they mean to you, not with words, but with your actions.

Quote of the day:

Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods. – Aristotle

Garza

TGIF

2005-06-10T06:15:00.000-07:00

Another week has gone by, but this has been a good week in many respects. I have been able to address some issues in my life in a positive way and the future looks much brighter than say a few weeks ago. I now have less stress in my life and this has certainly got to affect those around me, for the good I hope.

After my first week of blogging I must say this is a great way to release. I don't plan to spend the whole time talking about my personal issues and will try next week to share some stories that you may find interesting and probably humorous. My life thus far has been one more adventure, some bad, most experiences have been good.

I am now getting ready to go catch a plane home, so everyone have a great weekend. I don't know if I will have time to do this from home since the wife is in Australia for a month and I have a to-do list a mile long. Don't want to disappoint the lady upon her arrival back home, translation - trying to stay out of the doghouse.

Take care everyone and have a great weekend,

Garza

Who Am I?

2005-06-09T06:37:00.000-07:00

I am approaching the half century mark in life and for the first time I am going through an exercise to explore exactly who I am. This may sound weird to most of you, but have you ever really gotten to know yourself? I suppose several methods could be used to do this but I am writing down things I like and things I dislike about myself. I have recently realized that I have certain insecurities that are unhealthy to not only myself, but also my relationship with others, especially my wife. I have a gorgeous wife who is full of life, smart, sensitive, curious, and just plain fun to be with. But I have come to realize I cannot truly love her if I do not love myself. Do you love yourself? Think about it.

I think that most us get into a routine where we go through life day after day, year after year, and never really think about who we are. We are too busy, or we are always looking at others and we do this in order to not look at ourselves. I have finally stopped long enough to do this and let me tell you it can be quite liberating. As I am figuring out what I like and what I dislike about myself, I am forgiving myself for things that I have done in my life that I dislike and this is truly getting rid of baggage. This type of self-examination takes time so I am being patient. I have read that you can’t truly love someone else if you don’t love yourself. It makes sense when you think about it. This is also allowing me to address my insecurities and face my demons. Hopefully I will come out of this a better person, which in turn makes me a better husband and father.

I am not trying to get mushy, just wanting to share this so if anyone reads it they might think about things and not wait as long as I have to do this. We all have issues, we all have things about ourselves we need to address. Have the courage to do this and you will find it very rewarding.

Positive quote of the day:

He who smiles rather than rages is always the stronger.

--Japanese proverb

Garza

Another Day, Another Dollar

2005-06-08T05:55:00.000-07:00

I am currently working for a company in NC doing on site system support. This company has just merged with another company and you all know what goes along with that. People loosing their jobs, not knowing yet if they have jobs, people leaving for other jobs etc... The building I currently work in is like a morgue. Each day I see offices closed up and name pacards removed from the door. This could really be depressing if I knew I was going to be here a long time. I only have a few weeks left, then off to the next client. Thank God for that.

You might ask, how do you get through your day? Now you know one of the reasons I started this blog. I am also writing some white papers about the industry, remote development, and other topics. This takes a lot of time, and time is all I have at the moment so I am trying to use it wisely. I am normally on a project that is fast paced with never enough time in the day to get everything done. This in some ways is a nice break.

I am also trying to remodel our home. My wife is currently visiting in Australia and I am trying to use this time to get a few of the project completed at home. Sometimes it is easier to do this when she is away, if you know what I mean. She has told me what she would like to end up with and that is all I need to know. I make it happen. We are redoing the inside of our pool house and actually turning it into a real pool house. Not only will we have the swimming pool outside, but I am putting a pool table inside, this has been a long time dream come true. I may post some photos when completed, just depends on how good I think it looks. But we are after a sort of authentic pool room look if you know what I mean. She won't let me have the beer light over the pool table though, that sucks.

Well, better get back to work.

Have a great day,

Garza

Why Today?

2005-06-07T06:49:00.000-07:00

I have no idea why I decided to start this site today. Maybe I was bored at work, or maybe I feel that I needed to put my thoughts on "paper". I am an everyday guy trying to make it through life just like the rest of you. I want to use this site to communicate with others that are doing their best to make a living for themselves, and if appropriate, their families. I have learned that at times we need others to talk to, ask advice from, and even lean on. I don't want this to become one of those heavy and deep thought places, but there is nothing wrong with us seriously helping each other.

I will begin by telling you a little about myself. I am married and the father of three sons. I have been working a public job since I was fourteen. I am now 49, so I have a bit of experience with life and providing for myself and my family. After all of these years I am still amazed at how little it seems you know at times. I started out delivering papers, then at sixteen, got a real job bagging groceries. How many of you have done that? After high school, I made a run at college (military college), but for health reasons had to bow out. I married at twenty and fifteen months later had a new responsibility in addition to my wife. I became a partner in a business and worked that for about ten years, then sold out and started my career in computers. I have been doing that ever since and in 2002 became a consultant. Don't let that scare you. I don't work for the big five and do not intend to. We have nothing in common. I have always believed in a different approach than these corporate body shops which suck budgets dry, create fancy power points to show their failures in a three dimensional way with the closing slide saying "but we have a plan", and so on. We may explore this subject in more detail at a later date.

You now pretty much know my story and where I am at today. There are a lot of stories in the past years and I will try to relate some of them to you along the way. There has been success, failure, sadness, happiness, anger, calmness, and plenty of stress along the way. But I always resort back to finding the humor in things as a way to deal with things in the past and to provide a positive outlook on the future.

Please feel free to let me know if there are things you want to discuss. If I don't have an experience that can relate, I am sure I know someone who does.

Well, we will leave it at that for today and I hope to hear from you soon.

Keep it real,

Garza