Empty Nest Syndrome
My two youngest sons recently joined the Army. They are both doing well and are currently in basic training. They will get to come home for Christmas. My oldest son had his 28th birthday today and is married. So, for the first time in 30 years my wife and I are alone in the house. I used to think, man, it will be great when I can have some peace and quiet, but I don't think I knew what I was dreaming for.
These past couple of weeks are so different than what we have been accustomed to. I have been working from home and my wife works during the day. Quiet is a hard thing to get used to. You begin to hear sounds that you never paid attention to before, like the PC running, the dog walking through the house, the ice maker unloading, the washing machine, etc... I actually miss the noise! I haven't yet determined what I miss most, the noise or my sons. Maybe they are one and the same.
Another thing that is different is that my wife and I can carry out a complete conversation without any interruptions. This is so new. Sometimes I welcomed those interruptions depending on the subject, if you know what I mean, lol. I never knew what the impact would be. We are having to learn how to live as a couple instead of mom and dad. This is totally different and sometimes scary. We have always been devoted to our sons and have been in a certain role for so long, we are having to get to know each other again. I now understand why couples get divorced after living together for 30 years, they never took the time to remain a couple and nourish that part of their life that was just them. So when the kids were gone they never had a life to continue. And people change. We don't realize how much we change over time, but we grow and learn new things, likes, dislikes.
If you have been through this and have any advice, please pass it on. 'Cause I am fresh out of clues. We are both devoted to working on it, at least we tell each other that, but I am not sure we will overcome the hurdles. We will try though and I will let you know how it goes and what I learn.
On another note I am starting a new contract in Detroit soon and will be out of town more, so that means I will have more time to blog and play WOW.
Garza
These past couple of weeks are so different than what we have been accustomed to. I have been working from home and my wife works during the day. Quiet is a hard thing to get used to. You begin to hear sounds that you never paid attention to before, like the PC running, the dog walking through the house, the ice maker unloading, the washing machine, etc... I actually miss the noise! I haven't yet determined what I miss most, the noise or my sons. Maybe they are one and the same.
Another thing that is different is that my wife and I can carry out a complete conversation without any interruptions. This is so new. Sometimes I welcomed those interruptions depending on the subject, if you know what I mean, lol. I never knew what the impact would be. We are having to learn how to live as a couple instead of mom and dad. This is totally different and sometimes scary. We have always been devoted to our sons and have been in a certain role for so long, we are having to get to know each other again. I now understand why couples get divorced after living together for 30 years, they never took the time to remain a couple and nourish that part of their life that was just them. So when the kids were gone they never had a life to continue. And people change. We don't realize how much we change over time, but we grow and learn new things, likes, dislikes.
If you have been through this and have any advice, please pass it on. 'Cause I am fresh out of clues. We are both devoted to working on it, at least we tell each other that, but I am not sure we will overcome the hurdles. We will try though and I will let you know how it goes and what I learn.
On another note I am starting a new contract in Detroit soon and will be out of town more, so that means I will have more time to blog and play WOW.
Garza
posted by Garza at 8:31 AM
6 Comments:
Garza, You need noise. Turn on the TV. Loud. You don't have to watch it. Just let it make noise.
Garza, it's good to see you back again.
I haven't raised children yet, so I have no idea what rebuilding a relationship after the children are gone, but I may be able to help you in some small way.
I am currently building a new relationship (well, almost new, anyway.
The wife and I have been married for just over two years now.
I was 37 when we got married, and she was 27, (first marriage for both of us...) and we had known each other for eight months.
We drive each other crazy at times.
The best advice I can offer is, listen to her.
Even when she isn't saying anything.
Talk to her. Tell her what you are thinking.
Even when you aren't thinking anything. Make something up.
Once or twice a week, do something sweet for her.
Have the house spotless when she gets home from work.
Cook her dinner.
Take her lunch.
Go to where she parks her car, and leave a single red rose in it with a card, and don't let her know you stopped by.
Buy a dozen roses, and put them in the bathroom.
Write love notes to her in the steam on the bathroom mirror with your finger after your shower. When the mirror fogs back up, she will see them.
Leave post-it notes on the milk in the fridge, in the medicine cabinet, under her pillow, etc, telling her that she excites you, and what she means to you.
And let her find all of this stuff on her own.
Pretend that you don't know how they got there.
Buy her a teddy bear.
Rub her feet.
Rub her shoulders.
Rub her hair.
Scratch her back.
Paint her toenails.
Wash her car.
Make the bed.
(You know what else to do, concerning the bed...So do it. Every couple of days. Or nights, as the case may be.)
You get the picture.
Space these things out over 3 to 4 day intervals. (All except for the rubbing hair, feet, and shoulders, and the back scratching. Do these things whenever you think about it, all the time.)
Make up stuff like this on your own. Find out what she likes, and do that for her.
You should know her better than anyone else.
Let her know that you do.
If you pay attention to her as often as you can, she will brag to everyone about what a good husband she has, and you will have it made.
One more thing...
Don't ever let her read this message.
She must believe that you thought up and did all of this stuff on your own.
Delete it if you have to.
Hope this helps...
Garza, I've missed you.
I have to say one of my biggest fears is that in the hustle and bustles of having our little ones, Lewis and I will loose the connection we have. I don't know what you're going through right now, but there will come a day.
Tug's right, but I'll sum up what he said a little more simply. Just love each other. Concentrate every day on loving her the best that you can. Everything should be fine if you'll do that.
Look forward to seeing you in the blogosphere!
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Just stopped by to say hello. Your a link on my girl Lady Muniz's page, so I thought I'd check out who she's chatting with, when she's not with me. :)
I really enjoyed reading your blog. I too am a fellow WoW'er! :P
I have two children ages 5 and 6, soon to be 6 and 7. I can't imagine them not being home . . . the silence can be deafening during just the time they spend at school. It's kind of ironic, cause when they are home running around the house screaming and yelling and chasing each other all I can think of is, "OMG! I can't even hear myself think!" Then they go off to school and the peace and quiet can be so lonely. :)
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