My Decisions
I don't know of a single couple that doesn't have problems throughout life. If you have a mate and have never had any problems, then you are truly blessed, or kidding yourself. :) What compounds problems is our reaction to them. If we over react, or let our emotions take control, we WILL screw up. I am taking what I have learned the past 3 months and I am changing my entire approach to everything. How?
- I will not allow my emotions to take control. I will remain calm, listen to the issue, analyze the problem, and then share my feelings, thoughts, and possible resolutions in a calm, non-threatening, non-defensive manner.
- When discussing the issue, I will listen first. You will be surprised at how many times your mate will come to the same conclusion that you have. If this happens, then I do not have to say anything, only agree, and the issue is resolved. Remember, this is not a contest, and it doesn't matter who voices the resolution first. We are not keeping score, only trying to build a meaningful relationship. We both win.
- I will not discuss issues I am having with my mate with anyone else. No one else knows what is best for me, only my mate and I do. Only my mate and I can work them out.
- I will love my mate through the issue. Which is most important? My mate and my love for her, or the issue?
The next decision I have made is to put every effort into showing my wife I love her each and every day. My wife has become my number one priority, period. She means more to me than my job, my career, myself, and anyone else. She deserves and will get my devotion to her. I will love her with my entire soul, body, and strength. If I love her in this way, she will be happy, and I will be happy.
I certainly don't pretend to know it all. Maybe you have some wonderful suggestions. What do you think?
Garza
posted by Garza at 6:28 AM
2 Comments:
Hey Garza......Cool site
I'd love to add ya to my link list, but as you know I don't have one.........This isn't due to not wanting any, it's because I can't figure out how to do them......LOL!
Have any tips??? You know where to find me.......Go to my profile and email me if ya have any tips.
Garza,
Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations at work and at home...) What is this principle?
10% of life is made up of what happens to you.
90% of life is decided by how you react.
What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%. How? By how you react. You cannot control a red light, but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.
Let's use an example. You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 ( traffic fine) away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying good-bye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find a small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter. Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?
A: Did the coffee cause it?
B: Did your daughter cause it?
C: Did the policeman cause it?
D: Did you cause it?
The answer is D.
You had no control over what happened with the coffee.
How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. Here is what could have and should have happened. Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "It's OK honey, you just need to be more careful next time."
Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You and your spouse kiss before you go to work. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.
Notice the difference? Two different scenario. Both started the same.
Both ended different. Why? Because of how you REACTED. You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens.
The other 90% was determined by your reaction. Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle. If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc. How do you reach if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? (A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off) Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the other motorists ruin your driving? Much more your day? Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it. You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out.
Post a Comment
<< Home